June 10, 2010 | "Whoa whoa I gotta go...back to schoooool...again",3rd Semester,A Whole Latte Trouble,Book Two,Creative Writing II,Life in General,Mentors,Movie Queue,Prescott College,School Daze,Summer 2010,The 4-1-1 on Me,Writer Moment
It’s the second week of school and I got feedback from my mentor regarding the first 100 pages of Book 2 earlier this week.
The story lacks focus. You say your main plot is about the investigation into this fellow yet from what I can nearly 100 pages in, Draven has does very little to show the reader that she is this awesome, kick-ass informant. We see much more of her at school or with her friends just talking about “stuff” that is arguably sub-plot and fails to move the main plot along.
I see very little tension at all in the book. I assume as a reader that a book which focuses on a sleuth will have elements of tension, danger not only from the investigation itself but from Draven’s cover being blown. I also assume that in her role, she will make enemies. So, that also adds to the danger/tension. But I see none here. In fact, she is just hanging out like nothing is going on at all.
So, that is the plot, sub-plot and story-telling side.
There are some issues with redundancy and consistency. I’ve highlighted them in some cases and made comments on others.
There are cases when I feel the dialogue is forced. Some pages of dialogue go on for too long and fail to move the story to the next level.
Also it is hard in some places to know who’s talking in your dialogue exchanges. Watch for it.
Consider your pop-culture references and how they might date you as an author and how a reader may take that reference. There are many. While they may be funny to you, your readers are teens today.
Consider your use of stereo-typical representation of Hispanic youth. “Chica, Chiquita, etc.” Just make sure that you are 100% comfortable with these references and they are genuine.
There’s a scene in CLUELESS where Brittany Murphy’s character said something hurtful to Alicia Silverstone and Alicia responded with, “That’s way harsh, TY.” That line was running through my head after reading this. LOL.
But I have to remember that it’s a first draft. The novel, not the feedback.
It’s not going to be good the first time. Nor is it going to be good the second, third, or fourth time.
It’s a story that I completed some time last year and then promptly put away because I didn’t want to look at it anymore. It was a hard write. Then I pulled it out—I don’t remember when—and started editing it. I got midway through Chapter 8 before putting it away to start Book 3 (NaNoWriMo 2009 Fail).
I wish this was the only class I was taking this summer, because I won’t be as focused on the process as I normally would be. The revisions won’t be as good as I want them to be, or should be. Yeah, I know it was my bright idea to create a book revision college course, but even though my concentration is going to be pulled in three different directions, I still expect this to be a learning experience I can carry through to future books.
Technorati Tags: CLUELESS, Brittany Murphy, Alicia Silverstone
Lexi Adams says:
Alicia Silverstone is the sex symbol in the late 90s, she is really very pretty.;:~
Jose Perez says:
Alicia Silverstone has the sex appeal of Amber Heard, they are both blondes and damn attractive;”~
Niamh Carter says:
how could we possibly forget Alicia Silvertone, she use to be the sex symbol of the 90s:“