Today was definitely a good day.

Normally, I would be doing this on my breaks and at lunch. But since I have two other classes, I’m writing during my hr lunch. Not so much at home. Yet.

The 1st 30 pages are due next Thursday. Hoping to have a better day tomorrow.

The story lacks focus. You say your main plot is about the investigation into this fellow yet from what I can nearly 100 pages in, Draven has does very little to show the reader that she is this awesome, kick-ass informant. We see much more of her at school or with her friends just talking about “stuff” that is arguably sub-plot and fails to move the main plot along.

I see very little tension at all in the book. I assume as a reader that a book which focuses on a sleuth will have elements of tension, danger not only from the investigation itself but from Draven’s cover being blown. I also assume that in her role, she will make enemies. So, that also adds to the danger/tension. But I see none here. In fact, she is just hanging out like nothing is going on at all.

So, that is the plot, sub-plot and story-telling side.

There are some issues with redundancy and consistency. I’ve highlighted them in some cases and made comments on others.

There are cases when I feel the dialogue is forced. Some pages of dialogue go on for too long and fail to move the story to the next level.

Also it is hard in some places to know who’s talking in your dialogue exchanges. Watch for it.

Consider your pop-culture references and how they might date you as an author and how a reader may take that reference. There are many. While they may be funny to you, your readers are teens today.

Consider your use of stereo-typical representation of Hispanic youth. “Chica, Chiquita, etc.” Just make sure that you are 100% comfortable with these references and they are genuine.

There’s a scene in CLUELESS where Brittany Murphy’s character said something hurtful to Alicia Silverstone and Alicia responded with, “That’s way harsh, TY.” That line was running through my head after reading this. LOL.

But I have to remember that it’s a first draft. The novel, not the feedback.

It’s not going to be good the first time. Nor is it going to be good the second, third, or fourth time.

It’s a story that I completed some time last year and then promptly put away because I didn’t want to look at it anymore. It was a hard write. Then I pulled it out—I don’t remember when—and started editing it. I got midway through Chapter 8 before putting it away to start Book 3 (NaNoWriMo 2009 Fail).

I wish this was the only class I was taking this summer, because I won’t be as focused on the process as I normally would be. The revisions won’t be as good as I want them to be, or should be. Yeah, I know it was my bright idea to create a book revision college course, but even though my concentration is going to be pulled in three different directions, I still expect this to be a learning experience I can carry through to future books.

Technorati Tags: CLUELESS, Brittany Murphy, Alicia Silverstone

I made it through another semester without having a little breakdown.

This is good.

Kristi Edwards, North-Central Region advancement officer for the Arizona Community Foundation, and the Director of the Yavapai County Community Foundation, was my mentor for my Nonprofit Explorations course. The only mentored course I had this semester. Being a newbie in the NP world, she gave me a great overview of the NP sector in general, so now I have a better foundation–no pun intended–for the other courses in my degree plan. She was a wonderful mentor and I look forward to working with her again in the Fall for my Fundraising course.

I turned in my mentor evals and now I’m waiting for them to be signed. I get a whole month off before the Summer session starts. And, unlike my first two semesters, it’s going to be balls-to-the-wall 3 classes up until graduation in Dec next year.

No more whining about feeling overwhelmed.

I’m just going to have to suck it up and remember to breathe.

This summer, I’ll be taking:

~ Creative Writing II: Revising Your Novel mentored by the wonderful Georgia McBride, founder of YALITCHAT. I’m so looking forward to this class because I’ll be working on revising the first 100 pages of DA Book 2. A novel that I finished a while back, and started to edit, and then…stopped. So, it’ll be nice to revisit that story.

~ Advanced Children’s Lit: an online Moodle course through Prescott College

~ Sustainable Financial Mgmt mentored by Chantal Sheehan, COO of local nonprofit New Global Citizens. I met with her this evening and got a really good vibe from her. I think it’s another good mentor/mentee match. This organization is doing wonderful things with youth, so I’m very much looking forward to gleaning all I can from her.

Can’t wait to get started.

Technorati Tags: Kristi Edwards, Arizona Community Foundation, Yavapai County Community Foundation, Georgia McBride, YALITCHAT, Chantal Sheehan, New Global Citizens

Possibly.

Okay, I’ll enjoy it more-ish.

Because I’ll be taking Creative Writing II: Revising Your Novel

This is one of the many courses I created and had to find a mentor. And it’s one of two I created that will satisfy the Humanities portion of my degree.

The creative writing course will give me a chance to revise the first 100 pages of DA Book 2 and I’ll have the wonderful Georgia McBride, founder of YALITCHAT, as my mentor. Whoo-hoo!

We’ve already created a Study Contract (not a real contract, more like a course contract: what the class is about, what I’ll be learning, what I’ll be doing, etc) and we’re going to work on a syllabus next.

Did I mention that I was looking forward to this course?

Can’t wait to get started.

Technorati Tags: Georgia McBride, , YALITCHAT

This is an excerpt from DA 2: A Whole Latte Trouble. It’s the first draft, has yet to be revised, so it’s a safe bet this journal entry by Draven will be taken out. Enjoy the snip while it still exists.

from the moment i agreed to work for The Company, i knew it would be the most best kept secret of my entire life. even when Chief went over the details of my new job at our first meeting, he told me it would have to be kept a secret. several times. in the form of a subliminal message.

“all of your living expenses will be paid for by The Company dont tell anyone and you will be given a monthly allowance of five hundred dollars dont tell anyone for your incidentals.”

Technorati Tags: Sunday Scribblings

I’m having fun using bits and pieces of my novels for this thing. I rifled through DA Two: A Whole Latte Trouble for this one. Enjoy.

“And my grande Caramel Latte Cick? I’ll die without it,” he adds.

My eyebrows shoot up. Okay, that’s a bit extreme. And something Poe would probably say. Go figure. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that Marcus Jackson has screwed himself over. The last thing he needs is police crawling all over this place, digging into his business. Especially if they discover he’s doing more than just laundering money.

Technorati Tags: Sunday Scribblings

You’re more than welcome to participate! Just answer the question on your own blog, and leave a link to it in their comments.

Topic #7:

What songs represent/influence your WIP?

I wish I could say that I have a really cool playlist for my books. Or that I hear a song and think, “Wow, I can picture my character kicking someone’s ass right now.” If only it worked like that for me.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t.

I have to write in complete silence. This probably stems from the fact that my parents made my older sister and I do our homework in silence: no T.V., no radio, etc. When I started writing in the 7th grade, it just carried over. I’ve even tried playing soft music like Enya or Vangelis. And, yeah, that’s a no-go, Mission Control.

Funny: when I’m listening to music, and it’s my favorite song or a song I like, I picture myself singing it. Like at karaoke, in a video, or live in a front of an audience. And I sing it like it’s my song, y’know? It’s funny. This is what happens when you have an overactive imagination. LOL.

HOWEVER, starting in Book 2, Draven will pick up this odd habit of humming/singing while she’s, um, concentrating on something. She loves Motown–which is different from what her friends listen to (R&B)–but the type of music that helps her, um, concentrate, is a little outside what both her and her friends normally listen to. Something she’d never admit to, so this should be fun. And no, I’m not going to tell you. You’ll just have to listen in when I start doing podcasts.

So, in that way, I guess songs do influence my WIP.

Technorati Tags: Road Trip Wednesday, YA Highway, Enya, Vangelis

You’re more than welcome to participate! Just answer the question on your own blog, and leave a link to it in their comments.

Topic 3:

Turn your WIPs into Haikus

To be honest, I’ve never attempted to write a haiku. It’s another form of a poem and I’ve never been able to write poems, either. But I’m going to try it today.

DA Book One: A Royale Pain
I got a new name
I got a new life in AZ
I am Draven Atreides, Informant

DA Book Two: A Whole Latte Trouble
Time for assignment Number 2
CoolBeans Cafe is my favorite hangout place
This coffee doesn’t taste right

I would do DA Book Three, but I haven’t started that one yet.

Technorati Tags: Road Trip Wednesday, YA Highway